This summer into the fall 2012

Hello folks. I come to you today on a very serious note. I normally haven’t been writing about what goes on in my life too much on here it’s been about writing or the journey or something that inspires me to carry on in hopes that maybe it might inspire you too.

Well, since June 16th 2012 there was a massive shifting in my own planetary alignment. The otherworldly force that shifts our worlds into each other, something went horribly wrong, crashing into what I had known as my norm. Some of you who know me best know that I have no true norm just usually a lot happier.

To be honest, it’s been a while since I was truly happy, months as a matter of fact. June 16th marks the day that I had a lot of inner office issues with my old boss at my old company, I wanted to resign and start on my own. I did go out on my own, for which I should have been overjoyed, my company, my rules which have been since it started that I may not know everything but I won’t lie to anyone. And so far I think I’ve been honest.

But that is a shadow compared to the death and depression that’s overshadowed the entire summer. Not only was there one cancer death this summer but two of them. Then there was the death of a young girl she was 19. I don’t think I need to stress the importance of putting your damn phone away while you’re driving now do I? When I went to the wake for that young girl, you saw my face it wasn’t a happy face. That was in September. That day was a hard day going in there hugging the girl’s mother knowing she was clearly out of it. She knows my mother and I, but couldn’t remember our names let alone I think, her own. It was her only child that died that day.

That day was the day I decided it was time to forgive my shortcomings and go on with life, for one I still have it, I’m still breathing whether at times this summer I’ve felt like I didn’t deserve to or not, I still am. We all have a purpose still, even if we can’t think of or even acknowledge what that purpose may be. If you’re anything at all like me, and have been lead to believe part of your purpose is to write, do it, don’t let whatever messed up thing you think is holding you back have its way one more day…too much time is already lost that we can’t get back, fight. I do know it takes time to get over things but guys come on, if I, me, this one tiny little person, can fight just about every oddity there is and still come out swinging, I know you have it in you.

Now, I’m not saying that sometimes the days aren’t still just saddening, or I’m not saying I don’t get mad still at how life has been, that would be wrong. But for the most part I’m handling it. It’s not swallowing me up. Why is it not swallowing me up? Because I refuse to go quietly that’s why. To hell with quiet, if I’m going to go I want the whole world to know a part of why I’m here. I’m here for YOU, so that YOU are not ALONE.

I’ve wallowed in my own self-pity long enough and now my friends it’s time to go on, so what do ya say? Are you with me? Because we can do this I know we can. I believe in you.



2 thoughts on “This summer into the fall 2012

  1. Jenn, my love goes out to you ten-fold as I write this. I knew of one of your losses but had no idea about the other two and for that I am sorry I wasn’t around much to lend you a shoulder.
    You’re right, it is easy to sit back and fall into what I call the dark abyss which seems to have no end to it yet climbing out seems way too much of an effort.
    I am so glad you have decided to live your life to the fullest. I believe it is something we should all do but unfortunately some of us lack the capacity to do it.
    So to you I say…”You go girl and make the most of what is before you in this lifetime and never regret one moment of the choices you make”.
    Love ya honey.
    *huggles n kisses*

    • Sweet lady I thank you. And I love you too. Yep, it’s been a rough few months since June. And you know the company I was talking about briefly was NOT NNP. I love you guys over there a lot! 🙂 I do feel that I need to make the most out of the privilege of breathing yes indeed I do. What if I don’t get another day or week or year? Too much time wasted in my abyss. It’s very dark in there. I don’t like it. But I love you all and I want you to know I’m here, I’m alive and I’m doing okay. xoxoxo!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s